I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
