some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
