she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
