Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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