I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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