Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
