How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
