shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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