i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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