Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
