I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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