i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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