I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
