I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
