I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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