It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
