She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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