Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
