my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
