Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
