My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
