Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
