I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
