The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
