Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
