Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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