Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
