you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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