I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
