are you still at the devil's house?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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