i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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