I just made out with a guy for $7.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
