Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
