I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
