I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
