So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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