my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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