Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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