party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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