woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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