So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
