Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
