if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
