Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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