i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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