you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
