I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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