: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
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I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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