Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
