Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
