FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
