Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
