please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
