I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
