Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
