just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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