ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
