ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
