I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
