textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
