Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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