If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
