we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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