I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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