Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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