What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
