Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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