this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
