You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
