Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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