Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
BRING THE BAGELS
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We are all done wearing pants today
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
