So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
