I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
