But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
