just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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