There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
