god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
