Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
