She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
