Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
