dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
