so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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